A Mother's Fear

July 24 Wednesday

“Auntie, John is very hot.” Not exactly what I wanted to hear as I was coming back from being in town. We ran inside to check his temp:  103.7°F. Not good. He was throwing up his formula and still had his croupy cough. Nicole and I took John to the clinic down the street (in Iganga) to be tested for Malaria. We walked alone in the dark which is not very safe, but wouldn’t any “mother” do whatever it took for her child? After pricking John’s finger and not getting enough blood, they tried his heel. They proceeded to put the blood sample under the microscope. Malaria. They injected him with Malaria treatment and sent us home to return the following evening for the second of three injections.

July 26 Friday

“Nicole, wake up! John’s fever is 104.3°F!” His fever had heightened. This was not a good sign. We had packed John’s things the night before because we were supposed to bring him to ABIDE, the organization who would be fostering him until they find family who can lovingly and financially care for him. But this was an urgent matter that needed to be addressed immediately. We called ABIDE and told them to meet us at the clinic in Jinja an hour away. Once we arrived, I insisted on being with John. I have basically been his Mom for 2 months. I held him as they took his blood to test for Malaria, HIV, and any other thing that possibly could be wrong. I held him as they gave him a rectal fever reducer. While anxiously waiting for the results I sang to him and rocked him. When the results came in, the doctor informed me that John did not have HIV (praise God) nor did he have Malaria (we either had caught it so early that the injections were working or he never had it to begin with). The doctor feared however that John had bacterial meningitis. The soft spot on his head was bulging. I am not a medical person so I was not exactly sure what that meant. I watched as they attempted to put an IV in John’s little hand. After two attempts in one hand with no success, they decided to try the other hand. Tears were welling in my eyes. I can’t do this. I can’t watch them stick my little baby. But I can’t leave him. If I was his mother, what would I do? Would I stick it out and cling to my baby to let him know I am there for him in his pain? I can’t do it. I am about to cry. I can’t watch them hurt baby John. Thankfully, just then Kelsey from ABIDE offered to hold him because I looked hot. No. I am just trying to hold in tears. I handed John to her, walked into the waiting room, buried my head in Nicole’s shoulder…and cried. Once I could compose myself I asked Nicole to go back with John. A few minutes later she came back to the waiting room. They could not get the IV in. With a frightful look on her face, she pulled me aside to tell me the severity of the situation. Bacterial Meningitis could kill John. Again, I buried my head in her shoulder and we wept together. I called my mom and cried. Nicole cried. Mom cried. We brought John to the Jinja children’s hospital where they have more experience with starting IVs on babies. Although that is the case, I still could not bear to watch them stick him again. Nicole, who is a nurse btw, stayed with John while I went out of earshot of John’s screams. After that was over Nicole made a makeshift splint out of cardboard (which she had to rip with her teeth because the HOSPITAL did not have scissors????) to keep the IV in.

IV with makeshift splint by Nicole R.

 

The doctor made it seem like the situation was no big deal and wanted John to return for daily treatments. But a Ugandan doctor who had moved to Canada and knows Nicole said get that baby to the hospital NOW. He needs to be hospitalized immediately. It was then that Nicole and I took a private taxi to Kampala, four hours away. I cried and held John. There was one blessing along the way…I saw my first monkey crossing the road J Upon arriving in Kampala, we waited two hours in the waiting room to speak to the doctor. Dr. Michael was a God-send. He agreed the bulge on his head and the constant arching of the back were signs of Meningitis and admitted him to the emergency room to do a spinal tap, the only way to determine bacterial meningitis. He also said that John is likely only 4-5 months old and surely would have died had he not been on formula. His literal words were “This poor baby was starving!” Now that we were admitted, blood tests were started yet again. Thankfully the IV was already in place (phew!). The lab tech handed me a small plastic cup to obtain a urine specimen from John. Have you ever tried to obtain a urine specimen from an INFANT? I have to say it was quite comical and the laughter that took place was much needed. It was quite a sight to see. We took turns; one holding the baby and one holding the specimen cup in place. NOT an easy task!!! After 45 minutes of trying to get him to take a bottle so he could soosoo (pee), the lab tech came in saying he was going to give a rectal suppository. With specimen cup still in place, we flipped John over. Once he was finished administering the suppository, I lifted John upright and…you guessed it. Soosoo ALL over!!! All over the bed, all over the floor, all over ME, but LUCKILY four drops in the cup; thankfully all that was needed!

 

Urine Specimen

 

 

 

We then were escorted upstairs to our room. We waited an hour for the doctor to arrive for the spinal tap. I of course was unable to remain in the room because I could not handle seeing my baby in pain. Nicole stayed so the following details are coming from her: Imagine literally having to hold down your naked, feverish baby in the fetal position on his side on a cold, wooden table as the baby screams during the 45 minute procedure. I am a nurse and can handle a lot of stress, but have never had to experience anything like that, much less someone I am close to and care so much about. The good thing is, as soon as the procedure was done he stopped screaming. Thankfully John will never remember this experience. Unfortunately, this is something seared into my brain for eternity.

Sharing a twin size bed

 

Absolutely NO sleep

 

 

 

 

The rest of the night was long. Nicole, John and I slept in the small hospital bed together. Talk about crammed! The nurse came in every 4 hours to give John medicine and tried to tell us how to change him and put blankets on him. We aren’t dumb you know! We spent around $300 on transportation and hospital bills. Anyway, we got very little sleep so around noon ABIDE came and relieved us so we could return to Iganga and pack our things to return to be with John. We took a public taxi which took about 7 hours to get home. Traffic was terrible thanks to the Uganda vs. Tanzania “football” match. When we finally arrived home, Mercy and Eva were excited to see us. Nicole and I were emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. In 48 hours I saw my baby boy scream in pain, be diagnosed with various different infections, and experience a taxi ride that would make NY traffic look like a float down the Savannah River! https://www.noble.org/blog/a-noble-journey/surviving-ugandan-traffic/ This article describes Ugandan traffic to a T!

July 29 Monday

BUT THROUGH ALL THIS…God is good! John is being fostered by ABIDE. He was discharged from the hospital with the diagnosis of UTI and RSV and being treated with anti-biotics! We saw him today and he was laughing and smiling the whole time. Tell me people…WHEN IS GOD GOOD? J We have moved to Jinja to be closer to him and Mercy and Eva are being taken care of back home in Iganga. I serve a mighty God who is The Great Physician and more than enough for me. Whom shall I fear? I serve a God of Angel Armies ready for battle at every moment. I sing praises to my God today, thankful for His awesome power and magnificent wisdom. What is impossible with God?

Feeding my baby John

All Smiles (obviously because he got to see ME!)

He loved seeing his Auntie Nicole

My Sweet John

Thank you Megan and Kelsey for caring so well for Baby John! Y'all are truly a blessing!!!!

Psalm 62:1-2 “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” WHOOO!

 

Blessings from Africa,

Nicole <3

Sun Shines through the Storm

Let me just say…I LOVE UGANDA! I would only hesitate slightly if God said, “Nicole, this is where I want you for the rest of your life.” The dirt, trash, poverty, smells, heat, bugs, and anything else I have experienced here do not even tint my love for this country.  I admit Uganda is not for everyone. Not everyone can handle this. I never would have thought that I, of all people, would love Africa like I do. There have been some CRAAAAAZY things going on here, but my focus is not on the craziness. My focus is on how God has worked through the craziness and showed me blessings beyond measure.

The past few weeks Nicole and I have gone to Jinja for church. Two weeks ago we brought all the kids with us: Mercy, Eva, Joseph, Ben, Susan, and John. Talk about a car load! We always take the taxi to Jinja…you know, the taxis where chickens attack your feet :) lol. Anyway, before I go any further, I want to make sure you know that the following story I am going to tell is VERY untypical and in the past two months I have been here I have never experienced this and don’t expect to experience it again. We loaded the taxi with all the kids. There was one seat left available. The taxi will not leave until all the seats are filled. We told them we will pay for THE extra seat if they just leave so we can get to church. Well, they didn’t leave right away. So we weren’t going to give them the 2,000 shillings that it cost for that seat. So we rode aaaaaaaaaaall the way to Jinja enjoying the ride. Upon arriving in Jinja, the taxi conductor (the one who collects the money) told us we owed him for all the seats left over in the van. This was about 3x what we should have paid! We refused to pay that amount of money. Clearly, we did not say we would pay for all the remaining seats in the van once arriving in Jinja. Because we are Mzungus they want to charge us more money. The argument got heated as he would not let us out of the van. We were in the very back so we couldn’t just get out. So with a mixture of fear and frustration, we tried to get him to understand that he needed to let us out and he was charging way too much money. A policeman walked by and we called to him. Unfortunately, he took the side of the conductor and not the mzungus. They told us they were taking us to the police. They planned on detaining us and the children until we payed the amount we owed. In continuing fear and anger and safety of the children, we told them to just let us out and paid the atrocious amount of money the conductor was charging. Thankfully, I remember what that conductor looks like and I will never get in a taxi with him again. We were flustered, anxious, shaking, and angry but we were safe and more than ready to head to church. We called bodas and told them where to go. Naturally, they took us to the wrong place. THIS IS THE GOOD PART! The wrong place ended up being a gift from God :) We were supposed to be going to Acacia Community Church. Where they took us was to the house of the Pastor of that church! As we pulled up to the gate thinking “This is not the church,” Pastor Terry and his wife were pulling their van out of the driveway. They stopped and we told them we were headed to Acacia. They told us to hop in the van, they were just headed there. Normally they have three loads of people, but that day they only had two. God gave them their third load…Us! J Blessings never continue to cease! The remainder of that day we took the kids to lunch and a boat ride down the Nile River. SO cool! (See the link on my last blog post or click here: http://mamannicole.blogspot.com/2013/07/mzungu-in-iganga.html?spref=fb )

On Wednesday of last week, the Probation officer showed up at our house. Susan and Ben had happily been at the Baby Home for two weeks at this point. I was under the impression that the mother just had to sign a piece of paper saying they could stay there. What I was unaware of was that she needed to sign with the Probation officer also to make it legal. Probation informed me that we had two days to get Ben and Susan back to their mother or Mercy the housekeeper would be charged with Human Trafficking. How it was Mercy’s problem was beyond me. I was the one who was in charge of the children at that point; I assured Mercy we would not let her get in trouble and we would locate the mother. Probation set us up with an organization called ABIDE that resettles children with their families. They will work with the mother to be able to provide for her family. Although the living conditions are terribly poor, the children are SO happy to be with their mother again. ABIDE is a huge blessing and I can visit Ben and Susan whenever I want to make the transition easier as they called me Mzungu Mahi (White Mommy). To see their smiling faces makes it so much easier to not have them with me 24/7. I love and miss them so much, but let me ask you, WHEN IS GOD GOOD? All the time J What an honor to be a part of Ben and Susan’s life even for a short time. What an honor to be able to bring them back to their mother who missed them so much after dropping them off at our house because she could not afford them. What an honor to be able to visit them whenever I want. What an honor to be able to give their dirty little bodies hugs and kisses. What an honor to serve a God who looks after His children, no matter how dirty or how poor. Thank you Lord for the blessings in my life named Susan and Ben.

 

 

There is so much more I’m leaving out I’m sure. There are so many little things to tell. So many things that speak to my heart. PLEASE read Nicole’s blog to know more about our journey: http://mamannicole.blogspot.com/2013/07/where-is-solider-in-me_23.html.

I never want anyone to think I am complaining. Surely you can see my heart by now. I love it here. I love the people. I love the children. I love the blessings that God continues to show me and I’m thankful for mercies new every morning.

 

Thank you for all your prayers and support. Keep those prayers coming!!!

 

Blessings from Africa,

Nicole :)

Link to 2 Blogs by Nicole Ramage

This is the link to Nicole Ramage's blog about our events of last week :)

http://mamannicole.blogspot.com/2013/07/mzungu-in-iganga.html?spref=fb

This is the link to her post for this weeks blog:

http://mamannicole.blogspot.com/2013/07/where-is-solider-in-me_23.html

Chickens vs. Taxis: The Great Adventure

*NOTE:  This is a dual blog written by Nicole Katterjohn and Nicole Ramage. No mzungus were hurt during this adventure.

What started as a calm relaxing day for shopping in Jinja turned into all but!!!!!!!

9 a.m.  Two mzungus walking through Iganga board the taxi (bus) headed to Jinja.  The capacity of these taxis is 14, however in Africa that means more like 20…. The “fee” for this trip should be 2000 shillings (which is about .80₵). However the going rate for mzungus is more like $1.25, which doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a total rip off.  Nicole and I were seated in the very back seat of 4 rows when all of a sudden the back door opened and we felt something grasping at our ankles. We shrieked in terror!!!  As we frantically pulled our legs up on the seat, we heard laughter from the other passengers and loud clucking. Turns out the capacity in our van was 19 people and 4 chickens  (placed right under our feet might I add!).  Needless to say the next 45 minutes were far from pleasant for us, but completely amusing for the African passengers. 

10 a.m. We arrived in Jinja completely unsure of exactly where we had been dropped off, so we walked and walked…. and walked until finally we stopped and asked for directions (because that's what women do lol).

10:15 We finally located Main Street where we shopped and shopped and ate American food. Yummy!

12:30 Stopped at Amani Baby Cottage to meet Nicole's sweet friend, baby Hope!

1 p.m. – 4 p.m. You will never guess what happened!!! We shopped and ate more American food :)

This is where our story takes a drastic turn…… “insert dramatic music here” 

I purchased 2 large African drums to share with Daddy. Oh how I wish there were words to describe just how difficult it is to ride on a boda with a driver and two passengers, let alone carry such large items, purses, and bags of purchases… Thankfully we managed to make it back to the taxi/bus stand.

4:30 p.m. With only 2 seats available, we were forced to sit separately with our large drums on our laps.  I sat in the front seat; Nicole in the back…  Our 2^nd stop to pick up passengers turned into another chicken fiasco.  A man literally holding 4 large live chickens by the feet sat right behind Nicole. (where she asked me “Do you not hear the clucking?”) I found this rather amusing, but little did I know what was in store for me….

Dun dun dun dun….

I befriended Pastor Robert, who graciously offered to assist in holding my large drum. I was in the middle of receiving free Luganda lessons when I looked up, and much to my horror, saw a car facing head on with our taxi.  A series of thought s rushed through my head...“Surely he is going to get out of the way.  Is our driver going to slow down?  Um we are getting a little close… Um HELLO!!!  STOP!!!”

CRASH BANG BOOM AHHHHHHHHHHH!

The inevitable had happened (thanks to the crazy Ugandan drivers who follow absolutely no road rules haha). CLEARLY our driver had the right of way!  In America this is where the drivers would get out and exchange insurance information, maybe call the police, and be on their merry way. BUT NO! This is AFRICA!  Although our driver remained calm, the other driver who was CLEARLY at fault was raging mad, screaming, waving his arm,s and harassing our driver.  The African passengers bailed from the taxi seeking other means of transportation while the two mzungus decided to stay back to defend our drivers honor with our newly learned Lugandan phrases (like Va yo, jakookooba, oli mulalu) and Nicole R’s mace… just in case (courtesy of Nicole's fiance, Brian).

After realizing the police most likely were NOT coming and that darkness was approaching, we grabbed our drums and flagged down a boda…. Did we mention we never got a refund from our “taxi adventure?”

Our boda driver claimed to know where we were going, but because of our series of misfortunate events (and apparently they weren't over) such was not the case and we wound up ….you guessed  it …. LOST!

Nicole R: “Dear Jesus please help us, he’s taking us somewhere to shoot us, do you know what they do to women around here, I can’t reach my mace… Heavenly Father please protect us”

Nicole K: “You worry too much... or maybe I don’t worry enough.” I felt no danger.

Nicole R: “You don’t worry enough!!!!”

Thankfully some school children knew where we lived even though we didn’t (from that direction at least) and we arrived home safe, sound and exhausted! 

Just a little update: Ben was upset that I had left him all day and he immediately wanted me to hold him. We did sparklers on the front porch after dinner and then I bathed the kids. Tonight is the first night we are trying to get Ben out of my bed. I thought we were going to have more children here but their mothers haven't brought them so there is no need to have tight sleeping arrangements. So far he is doing well. Pray he sleeps well! I love you all! I so don't want to go home! But God knows the plans He has for me; I just have to be listening :)

Psalm 89: 1 "I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations."

Psalm 108:1 "My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my heart."

CrAzY dAyZ

July 7, 2013

We stayed home from church today for two reasons: 1. Everyone except Eva and I have a terrible raspy cough. 2. Eva was too upset about Wendy the Kitten dying last night. I would have gone just the two of us, but she didn’t want to. So instead, I read the Children’s Bible about the story of Solomon asking for Wisdom. We talked about what we may have asked for and some situations where we might need wisdom. I prayed and we listened to some gospel music and then we watched a little of the Bible Series from the History channel.

This morning at 5:45 John woke up screaming. I went into Mercy’s room and relieved her since she wasn’t feeling well. With John already coughing the worst and Ben coughing too I figured it doesn’t matter who sleeps with whom. Ben takes forever to fall asleep. He just kept talking and talking and John couldn’t sleep. Finally after the three of us were in bed, we all fell asleep. When it was time to get up, Joseph and I buried Wendy. I went to shower, but Ben and Susan wanted to shower so they showered first. When I finally got in the shower, Ben stood at the closed door and cried “Mommy!” So I finished my shower with Ben. Then Eva and I went to the supermarket with Precious. Ben cried as I left and Mercy had to restrain him. Ben is my shadow.  It’s gonna be a rough day when I leave.

With the kids being sick, I made all of the stay inside the gate, including Mercy. Eva had to go outside the gate to play. The rest of us sat on the front porch in anticipation of the other Auntie Nicole to arrive. I ironed clothes and painted Susan’s beautiful fingernails. I took Ben and Susan to get water and cookies next door at one point. The rest of the time, we took pictures and videos and watched a marching band go by J At one point, I was talking to Mercy when I noticed the gate was open and I didn’t see Susan and Ben in the front yard. I panicked! We have told the kids many times the past few days not to open or leave the gate. As I ran to the gate I called for Susan, but she did not answer. She usually doesn’t. I looked outside the gate down the road and there was Susan, leading her brother proudly down the road, determined to get to wherever it was they had planned. “Susan, come here!” I wasn’t angry; I was terrified. But I wanted to sound firm. They didn’t understand the danger of being in the road. As I walked towards them (because they hadn’t gotten far), a boda was coming down the street. I told Susan not to move, but she didn’t understand what I was saying. She pushed her brother then ran across the dirt road. I ran to Ben who had fallen down and looked at Susan, put out my palm and yelled “STOP!” She finally stopped moving. Thankfully, the boda had slowed down when he saw me with the kids. He apologized and I said “Oh no. You are fine. I’m sorry!” I grabbed Ben up in my arms and took Susan’s hand. Once back inside the gate, Ben and Susan were both mad at me. Ben just wanted to be held. Susan would not come when Mercy and I called her. It took about five minutes. I asked Mercy to translate for me: “I am not mad. I was so scared. You could have gotten hurt. You cannot leave the gate unless me or Auntie Mercy are with you.” Turns out, they were going to get ice cream! “What were you gonna buy the ice cream with?” Susan held out her hand holding 200 shillings left over from earlier that day. “That would not be enough, sweetheart. Next time you want ice cream, you just have to ask ok?” Susan nodded. I kissed her cheek and told her I loved her.

Finally, the other Auntie Nicole arrived. There was much excitement in the air. She climbed out of the van saying “I feel like I already know you!” It was so nice to be able to converse with another mzungu. She brought me White Cheddar Cheezits, Wild Berry Skittles, Peanut M&Ms, and Squirt cheese. I was so excited!!! Nicole is a nurse, which works out wonderfully since she knows how to treat things bigger than a cut and a fever. She loves the kids and we are so thrilled to be able to spend the next 10 days together before I leave.

 

July 8, 2013

 

As I am writing this morning, Ben has taken his place with his head on my lap; I balance my laptop on my legs. Haha! He is rambling on about something. Today, Nicole and I will be going to get her mattress and internet. I will be getting chapati and juice. Morning routine J For lunch I will be making potato fries. At some point before I leave, we will be having tacos, spaghetti, and chicken with mashed potatoes. Saturday we will be going to Victoria Falls J and the Market in Jinja as well as the mzungu restaurant The Keep. We WILL be getting milkshakes! On Sunday, we will go once more to Acacia Community Church and then off to the Source of the Nile River J I can’t believe I only have 10 more days. I don’t want to go. But I want to see my family and raise money for my next trip. Nicole said she’s a little nervous about staying here by herself. She told me she doesn’t know how I did it. I told her “a lot of crying, a lot of praying, and a lot more crying. But most importantly, spending time in God’s Word!” Nicole has such a heart for Africa and I know she is going to do perfectly fine here. I love Iganga, Uganda. It really grows on you.  I am looking at and praying about coming back in December and staying for 8 months. Continue praying for these sweet children. There will definitely be some crying on the 18^th L

New Friends :)

We have two new friends here at Kwagala Baby Home—Susan (age 5) and Ben (age 3). They add so much life (and volume) to the home. Haha! Sweet Baby John is doing very well. He likes having new friends. Two days ago, Harriet dropped off her youngest two children. She’s had two husbands and both have left her and the children to fend for themselves. Her oldest two children remain with her living who knows where and not having much food to eat. She was so thankful to give her youngest two children a place to live, eat, and sleep.

The first day was rough. The kids were sad and Ben was cranky. He ate like crazy, which is why we think he has worms. We are taking him to the hospital to get him checked out sometime next week. He cried and slept and ate. Then ate, cried, slept, and ate some more. It wasn’t until I gave them baths that he cheered up. Then Mercy made Matoka (boiled Plantains) for dinner with this special sauce. I did not eat it. I made cheesy broccoli rice. Ben was being difficult. First, he wanted his sister’s bowl of Matoka. Then he decided he wanted the Matoka on the counter. After not eating any of that, he decided to climb in my lap…and eat my rice! Luckily, there was enough for both of us to eat well. It was so funny.

The second day was better. Joseph and I took the kids to the market. The day before I had gone with Mercy and bought shorts for the kids and shoes for Ben. The intention was for him to walk. Well he loves his new shoes, but he doesn’t like walking and when he does he moves super, super slow J The kids love to be outside though so I take them with me shopping.

Last night, when making dinner (Ugandan style Hamburger and fries lol), Ben came up to me crying “Mahi, Mahi.” He sat in my lap and I wrapped my arms around him and finished cooking. He fell asleep. I tried putting him to bed twice but he just woke up wanting to get held. Once he ate dinner, I went to bed with him. Let’s just say he had a LOT more energy than I did so it took a while for him to fall asleep. In the meantime, I taught him to say “Thank you, Jesus, for this day and for Mzunga Mahi (White Mommy) and Ben. Hallelujah! Amen...Silly Goose!...Tada!...Thank you Emsley for my shirt.” When the kids ask him and Susan who I am they say Mahi. I love it, but at the same time I feel for their mother. I wouldn’t want my children calling another woman mommy. But I love the fact that they think of me that way J I’ll be jealous if they call anyone else that! lol

Today, I heated up leftovers from last night for my lunch and cooked Chicken flavored rice for the kids. They loved it. Speaking of chickens, the last chicken we have that we were supposed to eat next week…..was eaten by the dog this morning L Not exactly how he got to it since it was locked up. I was  gonna take only Susan to the store with me and Joseph this afternoon. As we went to leave, Ben started screaming so I had to take him with…did I mention he’s a slow walker and so I have to carry him a lot? It took a while to get there and back. He’s heavy lol!

 There is so much going on here. I know I’m not putting many details, but there just is not enough time or words to express what goes on each day with these kids. Not only do I not speak their language, but Mercy and the kids don’t speak their dialect, so often there is a lot of frustration from all sides.  They smile and laugh, and they cry and hit. Sometimes it’s really crazy here and sometimes it is calm. I panic when they do something that could hurt them, and I get frustrated when they throw things. They are typical kids! But they hold such a special place in my heart. There are times during the day when I wish the mother would have given me parental rights so I can take them to America. But then I wish that for many of the children here. The language barrier would make it tough, but it would be so worth it!

My heart is heavy thinking about being home in two weeks. I wish I could start the trip over and do things this way from day one instead of crying so much the first few weeks. I wish I would have gone to the town more. I wish so many things. I wish I could change my ticket. I wish I knew exactly what to do. But for right now, I know one thing…I am coming home for a while and have a great deal of talking to God to do! I LOVE Uganda. I will be back…in December if I can help it…and I will be staying longer than 2 months. Just gotta raise the funds! Lord willing, I won’t be gone long from here. And I won’t leave so soon either.

The Aftermath

After last night, everything seems back to normal. On the outside at least. Every time I walk past a trash pile (and there are many) I can’t help but scan each one…hoping I find nothing. Here at the Baby home, Emily would like to make a memorial for all the babies we’ve lost. My baby will be the first one. She wants me to name him if I can. So, I am looking through the Bible to find the most appropriate one. It may take a few days, but my little guy is worth it. I am so glad that he is dancing on streets of gold, jumping into his Father’s Arms, and singing praises to God right now. My first child. Taken from this world so quickly, but what better place for him to be? J

This morning before Eva went to school we were able to Skype Emily and Cindy in America. Emily is waiting on test results to come back Monday to get the go ahead to come back to Uganda. We are praying and hopeful. She seems confident J The only thing she really needs now is the funds to buy the plane ticket to get back to the Baby Home. She is greatly needed here.

There is a possibility of three children coming to join the Baby Home this Saturday. I am SO EXCITED J It is the baby I took to the hospital last week and his twin sister and older brother. God took one baby from me last night, but is adding three new ones to my life!!! What a blessing!  I went to visit them today. The baby girl clung to me. It made my heart glad! The older brother of age 3 screamed at the sight of me. Apparently he doesn’t like mzungas haha. We are waiting for the grandmother to come home on Saturday to give her consent to have the children cared for here. I am so ready to take care of more babies! The twins are malnourished but plump. They have not eaten in a few days so I don’t quite understand the mother’s apprehension other than the grandmother is who makes the money to provide for the children, so her consent is needed. So, Impatiently…I wait! Once these babies arrive at the orphanage/Baby home they will be able to be sponsored. I will put pictures up as soon as possible J Be in prayer and open to God’s voice as He may be calling you to sponsor one of these children. More details to follow later.

Mercy and I spent the rest of the morning in town with John. I needed to purchase a new bed and mattress and another baby mattress for the expected new comers. Some people mentioned last night’s incident. One lady told Mercy “She loves all the babies.” Yes, I do J I love all the babies and I want each of them to have a home…even if it’s in heaven with my sweet Jesus. After purchasing the bed and mattresses, we went to the supermarket to buy milk for the babies and organizers to get the clothes and such stored. Did I mention I LOVE to organize? J It was quite a sight to see as we had a three-motorcycle procession through town. One motorcycle had the bed frame, mattresses and organizers strapped to it (they are quite talented here in Uganda as far as what they can carry on a motorcycle; They call them boadas but I don’t know how to spell it so I say motorcycle). One was carrying me and John with a small grocery bag, and the other was carrying Mercy with two huge grocery bags. There was no way Mercy, John, the driver, three bags and I were gonna fit on one motorcycle lol. When we arrived at the home, two of the men carried the bed in and helped move the other one so we could fit them. One of the men told Mercy to tell me that “if I want to lay down, I call him and he will help me…” and on that note I paid them and sent them on their way. This mzunga will get in bed ALONE!

Speaking of beds, while waiting for the bed frame to be strapped down, I was offered another marriage proposal. I turned it down. Then I was asked if John was mine. “I wish.” Did I have any children of my own? “No J.” I am mature enough. Why do I not have any babies? “I’m not ready yet.” You are married? “…yes.” I couldn’t tell him the truth! Why you not have babies with him? “I will one day but not right now.” Where is your husband? “In America. He is this color (pointing to the man’s skin).” The men started laughing. I want a mzunga like you. I want to marry an American woman like your color. He wants me to bring some friends over for him. Any takers? There are plenty of men here to go around lol. It was quite an interesting conversation to say the least.

It has been a good day. Making Tacos tonight!! J Thank you for your prayers! I love you in Jesus’ name.

 

Blessings from Africa,

Nicole J

Joy and Grief

How do I even begin?...

We'll start with my blessing and my praise. Today I was blessed because not only did it rain for more than 5 minutes, IT POURED!!!! For about two hours, it just poured! Thank you, God :) It was perfect for the activity I chose to pursue today...cleaning/organizing the pantry/toy closet! I love to organize. Of course, the kids have already not put things back in the correct place, but that is life! lol. Tomorrow I will be getting some organizers for the clothing, towels, and bedding. I am so excited! Did I mention I love organizing? ;)
My praise is that as I was cleaning out all my suitcases, guess what I found that I thought was taken? THE CD PLAYER :) I was THRILLED! Now the Baby Home can have a cd player for the babies to sleep or to play freeze dance during the day. And yes, we will be playing freeze dance this week and winners WILL be getting candy. It's on!

Now the part where words just don't seem enough. I will do my best to explain my Facebook status that I posted this evening. But first, let me start with scripture:

Revelation 21:4-5:

⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

⁵ He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Romans 14:8:
 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

"Mama Derik!" Shamie yelled frantically. She began speaking extremely fast in her language so I could not begin to understand what was being said, but I knew something was wrong. I asked Derik's mom what Shamie said. She said, "They found a baby. Dead in the trash." My heart sank. They asked if I was gonna go see. At first I said no. I didn't want to see a dead baby. But then I thought, "What if they are wrong? What if it's still alive?" I grabbed a towel just in case it was alive and I needed to take it home. I made the muddy trek to the supposed place of the scene where a crowd had gathered. Shamie said "God will punish her!" speaking of the mother who abandoned the baby. Yes, she will face consequences for her actions. Murder. But we also serve a God who extends grace and forgiveness. Upon arriving at the scene, I looked around unable to identify a baby at first. When the crown pointed the body out to me I pushed everyone out of my way and looked closely. Still. Pale. Lifeless. Grief overcame me and I could not speak. This kind of thing happens in the United States, I know. Babies left in trash cans. But I have never experienced it. I was shocked. Here I am. Staring at a lifeless body. Unwanted. Uncared for. So many things rushed through my head. "Who would do this? How could someone not want their baby? Why couldn't they have brought it to me? I'm volunteering at an Orphanage for heaven's sake!! What am I supposed to do? Do I bury it? Do I leave it here? No! I can't do that. How morbid?! Who in their right mind leaves a dead baby to rot on a trash pile? I wouldn't be able to live with myself. It needs a proper burial." So I took the towel I had brought with me and wrapped the body inside it. "Don't cry, Nicole." It felt as if it was a big show, but I knew it couldn't be. Certainly they wouldn't be that disrespectful. Just curious about what it looks like. "No, you may not see the baby," I told them. I had wrapped it up. That was enough. They didn't need to look at it anymore. The people began telling me I need to take it to the police. It was getting dark and as a white girl I'm not supposed to be out after dark. Think, Nicole, Think. Do you go to the police? It's getting dark. But I have to. I don't have a choice. And where would I bury it anyway? One of my new friends and Eva went with me on a motorcycle to the police station. Definitely behind the times. Anyway, after we explained the situation and I gave a statement, I was informed we had to take the baby to the hospital and put it in the morgue to be looked at in the morning. As I rode with Eva in the back of the police truck, I held the baby wrapped in a towel. My mind started playing tricks on me. Wait, is he breathing? Do I feel a pulse? No. That would be my hands shaking and my pulse beating inside my fingers. The body was cold. Lifeless. As we took one more look at the body, I left it in a building that reeked off decay, on a shelf, to be looked at and buried in the morning. I was asked if I would be at the burial. "I'm not sure I could handle that." I got in the front seat of the truck with Eva. I asked the driver, "Did I do the right thing? Would others have done what I did? Wrap the body and take it to the police?" He said the Ugandans are afraid of that kind of thing. It is sad that people think if they don't want a baby they can just kill it or leave it for dead. He reassured me that I did the right thing. "God will bless you for what you did." My heart still sank. A million things rushed through my head on the ride home. After I washed my muddy feet, I went to my room and cried. And cried. And cried. "God, why would someone do that? How could someone leave their baby to die? Why would you let the Devil put fear in that mother's heart that made her think her only option was to leave it for dead? Why couldn't she have taken the baby to me?..." Many more questions and cries of anguish were sent heavenward. The last thing I did before composing myself to sit with Mercy and Eva was pray that even though that mother will face consequences for her action, whether they find her and put her in jail or never find her, that she would hear of what I did and God would convict her heart so that she needs to talk to someone. Me or someone else (but especially me). That she would come to the Baby Home and I would be able to show her JESUS. Although my heart is broken that she would do that to her baby, I know that sweet baby boy is in Jesus' arms right now. No more pain. No more tears. But that mother...I hope is dealing with some serious guilt. Who better to comfort her than Jesus Christ Himself. The One who shows grace and forgiveness and whose blood covers over a multitude of sins. Thank you Jesus for Your loving arms, to hold a baby AND the mother who gave him up. I don't want to have to experience this again...but I will. If that's what God wants me to do so that these babies get a proper burial, I will. If God wants to use them as witnessing opportunities, I will. Here am I, Lord; Send me.

Miracle Baby

John. Sweet, precious little John. In the month that I’ve been here he has grown so much! When I first came he could not hold his pacifier, his rattle, or his bottle. Now he is doing all three each to a different degree! I was talking to Mercy and she said that when John first came to the Baby Home, he never stretched out his arms, legs, or fingers. Now he is all over the place. Although he cannot crawl yet, his legs and arms are getting stronger. As I do a little physical therapy with him or have him stand on my legs while holding his arms, he proves to be a growing little man J The other day, he actually reached out and grabbed the giraffe hanging on his bouncy seat. I look at this precious baby and think “God, I was afraid that this 4 lb little guy wasn’t gonna make it before I got to meet him. Not only is he now 11lbs. but he is strengthening, and has so many little smiles and laughs and cuddles to give! It has been such an honor and a blessing to watch him grow in just this little time.” He has conquered malaria while I have been here and I believe is now battling teething. If I could adopt him and take him back to America, I would; but unless I live in Uganda for another 3 years, I cannot do that. So I will love and support him in other ways J Can’t wait to spend the next month with him before I leave!

A Hospital, A Taxi, A Church, and The Children

Hospital Visit:

It broke my heart to go to the hospital and sit in a waiting hall of lots of babies who were sick. Some had IVs, some were coughing, some with infections and some extremely lethargic. The child I was with was diagnosed with some sort of infection on his head and a hernia. They would not treat the hernia because he was too young and it may come back. They gave him an antibiotic and a pain killer. While I was waiting, a woman thrust her baby at me and said she would be back. At that point I started praying she really would be back. If I was left with a baby I wouldn’t exactly know what to do other than take it back to the orphanage. I lifted the blanket off the baby’s face to see a very deformed head. My heart was crushed! This sweet baby was tiny and frail. I prayed that God would help that baby, whatever his condition, to feel handsome and loved all his life. I then prayed for healing on all the other children waiting in the hall. The medical facility was not much but they do their best with what they have.

Taxi Ride to Jinja:

I am no expert at choosing taxi vans. They are all trying to get passengers first. But if the van is not full you sit and wait til it is. But I enjoyed the experience even with a long wait. Since I had a baby strapped to me I got to sit up front. The taxi stops and picks up/drops off people along the way to Jinja. The taxi holds about 14 people.

Jinja Community Church of Faith:

We were supposed to go to Acacia Community Church, but no one in Jinja knew where that was and I forgot to write it down. We ended up going to Jinja Community Church of Faith. I was the only mzunga there. The message was preached in English and translated to Lugandan, but the singing was all in Lugandan. Here is what I witnessed: I saw a church that had a total of 5 outdated microphones, three of which had cords. The sound system consisted of two speakers. The band was the sound man playing a drum beat and chords on a keyboard. No one complained about the music being too loud. No one complained about what songs were played. No one complained about the sermon being long. The worship leader didn’t tell people how to worship, making them raise their hands or spin around. Everyone worshipped in their own way. Some sat still, some raised their hands, the choir danced, some yipped and others just sang…and it was ok! But what I noticed most was the overwhelming sense of God’s presence. It wasn’t about show or pleasing people like it so often feels like in America. Here they don’t worry about what others will think or how many people showed up that day. We are so political about how we run churches in America today. I cannot remember the last time I was overwhelmed by God’s presence in my worship service at home like I was at this sweet little church in Jinja, Uganda. Because they have so little here and are thankful for what they have, those issues aren’t present. They focus on one thing- worshipping God. We have lost that I’m afraid. We spoiled Americans make it so much more difficult than it has to be. I am appreciative of what we have at my home church. But I almost wish we didn’t have all that we do. It feels as if people spend more time complaining than praising. Even as a member of the praise team, there are days I get bogged down in all the technicalities and fail to just worship. Even though I couldn’t understand what they were saying in this song service, you could see the hearts of worship these people had and I couldn’t help but to close my eyes, raise my hands and just praise along with them. If I could fly to Uganda every Sunday, I would.

Children:

Today I set my laptop on the front porch and a bunch of kids came and huddled around it to watch a movie. It was the cutest thing ever! Next time I’m gonna get a picture. We were just too tired from our trip to Jinja that day so we sent all the kids home.

Eva started school today J She was so excited! She came home all smiles. While Eva was at school, little Eva, Joseph, and I watched Ratatouille.

Like vs. Dislike

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT UGANDA:

1. Ice Cream
2. Potato Chips
3. Green Apple Soda
4. Motorcycles
5. The children meet no stranger and they want to say Hi to the mzunga (white person) 100x as she walks by their house and say Goodbye 100x as she walks away. The same thing happens as she walks the opposite direction coming back from town lol :)
6. Pineapples
7. Shiv Shyam Supermarket and the sweet people who work there,
8. Using my debit card at the ATM
9. The children love to dance and sing :)
10. Kwagala Baby Home and ALL the blessings inside (Big and Small)
11. The God I serve in America is the same wonderful God I serve in Uganda
12. Due to walking, not eating a whole lot, and not having meat, I have lost weight!
13. Rice
14. 24 hour Doctors Office to test John for Malaria
15. Hearing Drums and singing at 1am
16. Thomas the Tank Engine Memory Game
17. Giant Coloring Books
18. Security Guard at Baby Home
19. Security Guard *who doesn't propose to me* at the ATM
20. The lovely people at the Internet store
21. The Swivel fan
22. Geckos that eat the bugs and don't come in my bed :)
23. Mosquito nets that work as long as my arm isn't touching the net in the middle of my sleep
24. Did I mention that the same God who hears my prayers in America is the same God that hears my prayers in Uganda? :)
25. Eva getting into Primary 2!!!
26. Many people speak English and they teach English in school
27. Cheap charcoal for cooking
28. Cheap bottled water
29. Children like Derik and little Eva who give the best hugs!!
30. Children like Nuubu who are shy but have the sweetest smiles :) and read in English very well
31. Children like Isima and Asllam who leave a HUGE impression on your heart in just a short time
32. Mercy's hard work
33. Eva's love for shoes, singing, and movies
34. John's growing little body
35. Did I mention children like Derik and little Eva who give the best hugs?
36. Did I also mention that the same God who wipes away my tears in America wipes them away in Uganda as well?
37. The same God who longs to have a relationship with me in America calls out to me in Uganda
38. The same God who knows what my future holds in America also knows what my future holds while I'm in Uganda
39. The same God who loves to hear me sing praises to Him in America loves it even more when I'm singing praises to Him after crying in Uganda
40. No matter where I am, what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, or why I'm calling out to Him, God is here in Uganda just as much as He is there in America :)

THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT UGANDA:

1. The beautiful African rain only lasts like....5 minutes! Why not 5 HOURS????
2. Whether they brush their teeth or not, 99% of them have beautiful white smiles. It's not fair!
3. The mosquitos are 10x as vicious!
4. My family being halfway across the world. They should be here in Uganda with me
5. Not having my camera to take pictures of these beautiful people because someone at one of the airports thought they needed my camera more than I did! I hope it broke on them....
6. There is no squirt cheese to replenish my supply lol
7. No Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers
8. No pizza
9. Did I mention that the rain only lasts like...5 mins!!!!
10. The loud metal doors when John is sleeping...not anymore! ha.
11. Security Guards who propose to you at the ATM........smh.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING :) !!!!!

I'm Just Waiting... :)

Hey Everybody!

It's been a few days since I've posted a blog, but my mind has been thinking! I titled this blog "I'm just waiting" because ever since I let Eva borrow my iPod last night she's been singing "Average Girl" by BarlowGirl in which the chorus is "no more dating, I'm just waiting like sleeping beauty my prince will come for me..." She walks around with earphones in singing (very loudly I might add) "No more dating, I'm just waiting..." This morning I looked at the iPod while she was singing and it was on "I'm Bringing home a baby bumble bee" but she was still singing "no more dating, I'm just waiting" haha it cracks me up!!!!! Also speaking of waiting, we went to the bank this morning and while waiting for the ATM to get loaded, the security guard asked me if Eva was my first born and I said no. she's my friend Then he asked me if I was married and I said no. THAT WAS MY FIRST MISTAKE! I should have lied and said yes. Hind sight is always 20/20 haha. Then he asked if I would marry him and we could make babies (this is after he already told me he has a child). I laughed and said no and that I want someone from America. He must think that there are no black people in America because he pointed to his skin and said this color is good! lol I touched Eva's arm and said I know it is good. I love this color, but I want someone from America (A certain one in particular). After asking me to marry him a couple more times, he finally realized that I was NOT going to marry him. He may already be married. They practice polygamy here. If that is the case, then definitely no :)

Some people have asked about John. He is doing a little better, but not as well as I would like. Of course, I don't know how long it takes to shake Malaria. My head cold seems to be getting worse despite my efforts to lay low and get well quickly. I didn't sleep well last night :/

I have a couple things I've been praying about besides John and I getting better. I've been praying that God quickly provides $4,000 for Emily's plane ticket. There are orphans ready to come here but they cannot until she gets back. Let's not keep them waiting!!!! Also, I have been praying for my wonderful future husband, whoever he may be. I have been praying about my job situation and what I may be doing when I get back in the States a month from now.

Most importantly, I have been praying that my life will never be the same. I want God to use me in EVERY way possible, here in Uganda and back home. I want to be His hands, feet, voice, and love to all those He places in my life. I don't want to be selfish and think I deserve the best or better than what I have. I want to be grateful for the little things AND the big things. I don't want this to be a one time experience of humility and crying out to God. I want this to be a DAILY thing, a MOMENT-by-MOMENT thing. I want to be the Woman that God delights in calling His Own. I want to be the Woman that makes the Devil shake in his boots when my feet hit the floor in the morning. I want him to have to say "Oh no! She's awake! Quick boys! Man your stations. This is WAR! We can't let God win today. Don't give up. We can't let Him have her...AGAIN!" That's the Woman I want to be. I want my life to be a reflection of JESUS. This is a CRAZY, BOLD prayer. Who on earth ASKS the devil to wage war? Who ASKS for a spiritual battle everyday? I DO. Because you know what? Every day that I don't ask for it, is the day that I think I don't need God. It's the day that I think I've got it under control...and that's exactly what the Devil wants. He isn't threatened when we think "I've got this." He isn't threatened when we aren't following after the Heart of God. And that, my friends, is a SCARY place to be. Is that what we want? Easy lives? No spiritual warfare? Just coasting along thinking we have it under control. Oh no, Christian. Every day should be a battle that the Devil just can't win. One of my favorite verses is Exodus 14:14. The Israelites had just left Egypt and were having to cross the Red Sea. God had just delivered them and they were afraid because the Egyptians were coming after them and they felt hopeless. Moses tells them that "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." That has so been me. God delivers me from the fear and doubt that the Devil has thrown at me and the next week I come crying out to God again, "Oh no God! The Devil is attacking me and I don't know what to do!!!" I will fight for you, Nicole. You need only BE STILL. The song "Be Still" by Kari Jobe is the most played song on my iPod. Over 200 times! Because I constantly need that reminder that I am not alone and if I just BE STILL and wait on God, HE WILL FIGHT FOR ME! Isn't God good?! It blows my mind that God cares that much! :) He has been working mightily on my heart. I have so much to say and not the words to say it. Let's ask for WAR. Because we already know who's gonna win :)

A Grateful Heart

June 13, 2013

The past few days have been great, but exhausting. I have had the daunting, yet exciting adventure of visiting different schools for Eva. We finally decided (Emily, Eva, and I) that Mercy will teach her English for the remainder of this term and then she will go to Christian School the next term. While Eva and I were out searching for schools, we rode a motorcycle that they call a jbouda or something like that. It was so soothing! After all our school visits, we stopped at the super market so I could get water and apples. But while I was there, I decided why not try some potato chips and ice cream?! J So we did. And I got this Green Apple Soda…it was so good. The best lunch EVER J

Today, we talked to a few children in the village. I spent most of my day looking after John, who has a fever and possibly Malaria, and reading “The Rescue” by Nicholas Sparks while Eva and Mercy ran some errands in town. John’s fever fluctuates. We have to watch him tonight and determine whether to take him to the doctor tomorrow or not. At this point, it’s looking like we’ll need to take him first thing in the morning. There are moments when panic rushes through my veins as I look at him and think “Is he breathing?!” Just then I’ll see his chest slowly rise and fall, allowing relief to come over me. Thankfully, he isn’t more fussy, but he is more chatty making baby sounds with his mouth.

I have so many mosquito bites that I’ve stopped counting and just started taking Benedryl at night. That way it not only will hopefully take away some of the itching, but I’m not up all hours of the night either J Thank you Lord! I’m also praising God for the constant cool breeze that blows through the living room as we keep the windows open during the day. Definitely grateful for the potato chips, ice cream, and green apple soda! Praising God for another day without crying. Praising God that we have Tylenol for John and that he is still alive for me to take care of. Thanking God for the food I have, like the char-grilled cinnamon toast I experienced today. And the clean water He provides. Thanking God for money to pay bills. And Grateful to God that He hears my cries for help, my pleas for healing, and my requests for His mercy, grace, love, and forgiveness. I love you, Lord. May Your praise and scripture forever be on my lips!

 

The verse I repeat to myself over and over and over each day: Psalm 63:1 “O God, You are my God. Earnestly I seek you. My soul thirsts for you; my body longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”

The Lord's Day

I went to bed last night with a headache, itching, aching, and a queasy stomach. I ate well yesterday, but something felt yucky inside. A few hours later I woke up fine but still itching and aching. I called home and got to talk to my sweet Daddy for a little while. Then I went to Mercy and relieved her from taking care of John so she could sleep. As is becoming usual, it was 1am and Auntie Nicole was wide awake for no reason. I use those wide awake hours to pray, read, and play solitaire on my ipod hoping it will lull me to sleep. It usually does...5 hours later! Ha.

This morning I was able to spend some "alone" time. I listened to last weeks' sermon on The Holy Spirit and The Church. It was powerful! http://fbcna.org/messages.php. Then I was able to spend 2 hours, just me, John, God, and Kari Jobe :)Eva and Mercy were in town. I took a video of John singing with me and Kari. It was precious! Now that it's 12:30pm here I will go get cleaned up and dressed for the day.

Last night, I realized I have 40 days left here in Uganda to do God's Work (James 1:27). I am committing to spend these 40 days with the focus of PRAYER. Prayer for healing, safety, provision, miracles. You name it. I'll be praying for it. Specifically for the children at the orphanage, but also for myself and other people in my life. I love you all. Thank you for praying with me! It's been one week exactly since I've cried! Praise the Lord!

Mark 11:24- "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Love and African Blessings,
Nicole